5 Reasons King’s Landing Needs an HR Director

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Game of Thrones is back, and we at The Starr Conspiracy could not be more excited (we’re kinda big fans). In celebration of the return of one of our favorite shows, we’ve put together the five reasons King’s Landing needs an HR director. (There are probably spoilers in here somewhere, but we’re too excited to care.) Read on, friends, for the night is dark and full of HR violations.

  1. King’s Landing’s Relocation and Recruiting Policy Is Awful

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    Poor Ned Stark. Everything was going so well for him — Head of House Stark, Lord of Winterfell, Warden of the North, sweet dogs, cool kids — dude had everything he needed. But when his boss, King Robert Baratheon, promoted him to be Hand of the King, poor Ned didn’t have much say in the matter.

    Making matters worse, King’s Landing didn’t have a proper employee relocation policy in place for Ned and his family. King Robert just kinda made the decision. Ned had to leave his recently paralyzed son and grieving wife behind in Winterfell. While he was relocating, Ned lost two direwolves, which cost him major brownie points with his daughters. Upon arriving at King’s Landing, Ned was immediately thrown into the workplace politics of the Small Council and had to make arrangements for his daughter’s training. And I think we know how it all ended up for Ned. The whole thing could’ve been handled better with a well thought out relocation plan.

  2. Opportunities for Workplace Wellness Hindered by Wild Boar

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    King’s Landing’s residents have to find a way to work off all the carbs they accrue from eating food by hunting for more food. King Robert Baratheon famously met his end while hunting wild boar.

    In fact, all of the wellness activities at King’s Landing are pretty dangerous: fencing, shame walking, indoor bow practice, etc. With a proper (read: safer) workplace wellness program in place, King’s Landing’s residents would benefit from happier, healthier lifestyles.

  3. Their Recognition Program Isn’t Worth a Hodor

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    Who could forget the Battle of Blackwater Bay? Everyone who fought in it, apparently. The battle would’ve ended very poorly for King’s Landing if Tyrion Lannister hadn’t taken out a large portion of Stannis Baratheon’s fleet.

    But who got all the credit for winning the battle? Lord Tywin Lannister, Ser Loras Tyrell, and freakin’ King Joffrey — who was hiding during the whole fight.

    With a proper employee recognition program in place, Tyrion would’ve been given his due appreciation and would probably be less bitter about his treatment while he was at King’s Landing.

  4. Their Onboarding and Learning Management Program Is Nonexistent

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    Poor Tommen. After Joffrey’s death, the young king inherited an entire kingdom, lady troubles, and a whole lot of responsibility with little guidance. He had to look to his mother, the always reliable Cersei Lannister, for direction.

    With a proper onboarding experience and learning management solution in place, just think of how great of a ruler Tommen could have been … in a few years or so.

  5. Remote Employees Have Little to No Interaction with the Main Office

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    Poor Jaime Lannister — always going off on side missions with few to no check-ins. These side missions result in getting kidnapped, losing limbs, and — most recently — losing family members.

    Having stronger support from his main office would allow Jaime to make sure he was delivering the best work possible. There are some emotions that carrier pigeons just can’t convey.

P.S. Don’t even get us started on King’s Landing’s offboarding policy.

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At least it’s better than the Moon Door.

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What do you think? Can you think of any other HR fails at King’s Landing? Let us know in the comments.

Follow Rob on Twitter here.