Don’t Bring Your Sick Ass to Work

I knew this guy in high school. We’ll call him Tim. Names have been changed for reasons that will become obvious in about two paragraphs.

Anyway, Tim received a special award at graduation for perfect attendance. Not just for one year or his high school years. It was for his entire public school career since kindergarten.

So for starters, that’s just sad for Tim. No staying home on a Wednesday watching cartoons in his pajamas for Tim. No chicken and stars soup with saltine crackers and ginger ale. Nope — Timmy missed out. Insert sad face here.

However, that’s not the real crime. The real crime is that you know that sometime in his 13 years of public schooling, he was sick. We’re talking high-fever, snot-blowing, phlegm-rattling-cough sick. And Tim still went to school. Bad Tim.

Maybe Tim thought he was being a hero. Maybe Tim’s mom wanted to teach him a lesson about work ethic. Maybe they both just hated chicken and stars soup.

And I’ll bet Tim didn’t change when he grew up. He’s probably out there in an office, sniffling his way though a day right now. That’s why I want to send a message to Tim and all of the other hard-working sick people out there — don’t bring your sick ass to work. Period. Ass. Period.

We know you come from a good place. You mean well. But just don’t do it. We don’t want what you’ve got. And if you get a couple of your co-workers sick, you really aren’t doing the company any favors.

Get well soon and have some chicken and stars soup. It helps. Trust us.