You're Too Stupid and Fat to Drink a Large Soda

Soft Drinks

We were bored when Mayor Michael Bloomberg suggested a large soda ban in the city of New York.

Agents of The Starr Conspiracy have traveled all over the world. We have seen local, state, and federal governments try to ban a whole host of sinful behaviors.

Drinking soda is the least of society's concerns.

And while soda is nothing but a toxic stew of chemicals, there are bigger things to ban. Wage discrimination. Bullying. Homelessness.

If he really wanted to attack the problem of obesity in America, Mayor Bloomberg could create financial incentives for healthy food and manufacturing firms to flourish in New York City. He could ban all cars and buses from Midtown Manhattan and create a less congested and safer pedestrian zone. He could ban soda outright.

But he won't. He is a wuss.

Take a lesson from hundreds of mothers out there. If you're going to be a nanny, do it right. If I am too stupid and fat to drink a large soda, I am probably too stupid and fat to drink a small soda. Take away my soda or get the hell out of my way.

And for the record -- had Mayor Bloomberg proposed a ban on loud-mouthed New York politicians who talk too much and don't back up their words with actions, we would pay attention.

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