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Facebook Rules

friendrequestI’m not a big fan of rules. I don’t like social media gurus who try to create structure around chaos.

Who are you fooling? Can you control the sun and the moon? Do you have power over the tides?

I’m especially distrustful of those who want to put their own rules around Facebook.

I will only friend you if you’re a cat lover, I have met you in real life and you look like Ryan Gosling. Otherwise just get me on Twitter. You should know the rules, asshole!

Uh, yeah, no. Take it from a woman who ditched a 5,000+ Facebook account and moved to a Facebook fan page: nobody knows your rules. And regardless of how and where you connect, there is no difference in the way you interact with users. People are weird and violate boundaries. That’s what we do as human beings.

So you want some rules around your personal Facebook account? Okay, here you go.

  1. The first rule of Facebook is that you should not talk about Facebook. When you outline the dos and don’ts of friending people, you sound like a tool.
  2. The second rule of Facebook is that you should know that we are on to you. We know your profile picture is photoshopped. You don’t have great abs. And we know that your kids aren’t THAT smart or THAT incredibly talented. For all those rules, you’re a pretty flawed guy. Just like the rest of us.
  3. The final rule of Facebook is that the law of reciprocity applies to everything. You don’t expect us to believe that you’re on Facebook for the sheer joy of sharing information on HR technology and social recruiting trends. Pervasive narcissism governs all of mankind. When you poke, we know that you expect to be poked back. (Chill out. It’s okay. We’ll poke you. Calm down.) In the meanwhile, kill your fake benevolence. It embarrasses us both.

Want to make real rules and be a real Facebook and social media marketing strategist? Find the magic pot of gold and link your personal brand to thoughtful marketing, recruiting and financial strategies. Then make some money.

Do that and I’ll be impressed.