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A Hermeneutic of Fear

A couple of weeks ago, I was having. a. day.

Have you ever had one of those days? Where nothing goes right and you just want to punch someone in the face?

OK, maybe it’s me.

I wanted to stop whining and moaning, so I thought about the things that normally cheer me up.

  • Drinking.
  • Eating nachos and ice cream. Together.
  • Getting a pedicure.

I totally wanted to get a pedicure except that a friend told me about a woman who contracted Legionnaires’ disease from a local nail salon.

“What’s that?” I asked.

He said, “It’s like when a cat gets an upper respiratory infection, only for humans.”

I am not sure if that description is entirely true, but it sounds gross. I’ve had a cat with a cold and bronchitis. She sneezed green. No thanks.

So I thought about my risk of contracting a skeevy disease and started to worry. Nail salons are funky, no doubt, and I don’t want to die from a disgusting bacterial infection that is difficult to spell.

First world problems, yo.

Thank God I have good friends who talked me out of being a freak. Dr. Daniel Crosby tackles the hermeneutic of fear in his video titled, “You’re Not That Great: A Motivational Speech.”

I love this video. We fear the things we cannot understand. We are more likely to die from appendicitis than al-Qaida. Strangers don’t kill us; loved ones kill us. And we are more likely to die in a bathtub than from a shark bite.

Just don’t tell Discovery Channel.

So I thought about my new fear of nail salons and tried to put it in perspective. While I don’t want to contract Legionnaires’ disease, I do need to find a way to relax after a stressful day. In the end, I skipped the vodka and nachos and had that pedicure after all.

Out on the edge of glory. I know.

I also stopped by McDonald’s on the way home for a Reese’s McFlurry.

No fear, baby. No fear.